Yesterday, news “leaked” (in one of those “my publicist called TMZ” ways) that former MTV Teen Mom Farrah made a Hilton and Kardashian style “sex tape.” The media has committed to calling it a sex tape, like it’s a leaked personal video, even though it was filmed on professional sets with professional porn star James Deen and is currently being professionally edited. Few have called the news unexpected, but it is quite a leap from Farrah’s attempt to launch herself as a lifestyle guru over the past six months, from her cooking videos to her poorly thought out/named children’s book Passy Perfume. The failure of that campaign is likely at the heart of Farrah’s, uh, career change.
Before yesterday’s porn news, Farrah’s career reinvention has been centered in her personal YouTube channel, “pafarrahabraham.” Farrah’s channel is a catch-all where she shares her homemade music videos and tries to break onto the YouTube scene with beauty, fitness, and cooking tips. I say this with much love for both “Teen Mom” and YouTube: Farrah’s attempts to become the next JuciyStar07 failed wildly.
Almost all of her videos have been “disliked” by over two-thirds of viewers. The clips are filled with odd interstitials, empty tips, and a coldness that separates her from the rest of YouTube’s beauty gurus. People watch instructional YouTube videos for a bevy of reasons, not the least of which is to get lifestyle advice from people viewers find at least a little inspirational. Since Farrah is very fit, exercises constantly, and isn’t shy around cameras, she should be able to make a popular fitness video—or at least one that isn’t widely reviled. But her work out video, “F&S Work Out #1 BabyBum,” is just her getting on her hands and knees and lazily lifting one leg, dog-meets-fire hydrant style. Sometimes she hugs her baby. That isn’t a tip, let alone a useful exercise.
The same can be said for her cooking videos. One of Farrah’s main MTV plot points was moving to Florida to pursue an associate’s degree in restaurant management or, in her words, “culinary school” (she did not go to culinary school). In her video “Food with Farrah ‘Pyramid Kitchen,’” it is clear that she not only learned nothing at Food Academy, but also that her concept of food is so abstracted from the norm that she might as well be a Martian.
Filmed on her iPhone, like all of her videos, “Pyramid Kitchen” features the very distinctive, public domain accessible background music of early 2000s pornography. Giving viewers tips about healthy eating, Farrah suggests eating one piece of kale, says that lime, papaya, and tomato are a healthy dose of vegetables, and, like a WebMD robot, lets viewers know that “if you are 19 to 70 years old, you only need 6 ounces of protein to satisfy your appetite per day.”
“Mmm,” she concludes, awkwardly sniffing the plate like a pet sticking its nose in your cocktail, “this smells like a well-balanced meal.”